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Giving a child up for adoption is the greatest gift that birth parents can make when unable to raise the child themselves, and this act will change their lives forever just as it will forever alter the lives of the adoptive parents who are waiting with open arms for that child. But one group that is sometimes overlooked in this process is the adopted children themselves. For adopted children, there are many issues that they may have to confront during their lives.
Children adopted at birth of very young ages often may not find out they were adopted until they are teenagers or sometimes even adults. Finding out that they are adopted in these later years can create an identity crisis in which they feel lied to, and as if their own identity is somehow false. For children who are put up for adoption at an age where they are aware of the change in households, this can be extremely traumatic as they wonder why their parents gave them away, and there can be a great deal of difficulty accepting the new, adoptive parents. Children are also often adopted by parents who are of a different ethnicity or race, and this can crate identity conflict as the child tries to reconcile their birth race or ethnic background with the one they are being raised in.
As adults, adopted children may struggle with these identity challenges as well as low self-esteem and even the persistent feeling of having been abandoned. Alcohol abuse, marital challenges and depression are all issues that can result from these challenges. Adult adoptees will often search for their birth parents, siblings or other biological relatives in an attempt to find answers to the questions that plague them, as well as to gain genetic information. However, none of these issues are new or unique. In fact, adopted children and adults have struggled for so long with these challenges that there are actually programs in place to help people cope with these issues.
A common solution is to make use of a support group. Simply being able to talk with other people who were also put up for adoption and have lived with similar issues and struggles can be a huge help in learning how to cope and move forward. It is a natural feeling for us to want to talk with people who can truly understand, and in these support groups adopted adults can find such people. Just knowing that you are not alone can help make the journey easier and the healing faster. In the support groups, former adoptees can share their experiences and challenges with other people who truly understand. ALMA and the American Adoption Congress are support groups that are excellent resources.
Another great option is to see a private counselor. There are counselor and therapists who actually specialize in adult adoptees and their struggles. If you like, you can even hire a therapist who is an adoptee himself. There are many aspects of the adult adoptee experience that therapeutic intervention can help you work through. These include feelings of abandonment, assistance with current interpersonal relationships, and they can even help the adoptees in their search for birth parents. While this counseling can be expensive, you may be able to engage in group sessions which are a combination of support groups and private counseling.
Adoption is a fact of life for anyone who has been put up for adoption. It begins when the child is placed for adoption, but the fact of it never goes away. Throughout their lives, it is a fact of their identity and so it is vital that the adoptee can cope with that fact. Luckily, adoptees now have many resources available to help them with this.
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